More experiments....

So I spent the day typing and cutting up words on tracing paper. And then I quickly painted a piece of canvas paper and carefully put the words onto the wet paint.

I admit that it seemed like a good idea at first but the typewriter letters have this horrible moronic ransom note look to them. The handwritten stuff seems better. But I completely dislike the look of the tracing paper over the painting. The paper is not warping but the edges seem to be peeling up. The paper isn't washing out the underpainting the way I thought it would at all which is really good. I was trying to do this whole paper thing to add interest and to keep my lazy ass from having to paint the words onto the canvas... but now that I'm thinking about it I think I'm going to have to just bite the bullet and paint the words in. I probably will have to thin down ivory black with some linseed oil to get the flow just right. Writing with oil paint is a pain in the ass. I could use a permanent marker and write out the letters over dry paint but that would leave absolutely ZERO room for error and that would just not be good. I guess I could do some experiments with the canvas paper and some rubbing alcohol. I think rubbing alcohol will even remove permanent sharpie marker but I don't know how it will do on dry oil paint. Again... more experiments mean more drying time and more waiting. As Indigo Montoya once said... I hate waiting.

I also dislike the background pastel-like colors. Well I don't dislike it. There's something wrong there. I think there is a fine line between a mildly tinted white and something that belongs in a baby nursery. And right now? I think some of the colors are in that baby nursery area. One of the main problems I think is happening is that some lines are standing out more than others and that's because the paints are of different values than each other. In order for this sort of flat look to work, all of the tinted whites need to be of exactly the same value. Otherwise some lines will be more prominent than others and that is not what I'm looking for.

I hate to say I used to go to the modern art museums and see a striped painting and think, "Yeesh, a four year old could do that..." and now that I'm putting my hand in it? Okay a four year old could not do this. This does require some larger artistic knowledge of value vs color and when dealing with such light colors, it requires an extremely delicate hand. When I glanced quickly at Agnes Martin's work, I saw lightly tinted stripes... I didn't notice that those stripes are of the same value until I experienced this problem and looked again.

I'm wondering if the colored plexiglass samples I bought for my quilting will be of any use here. When doing scrap quilts, you primarily need to be concerned with the overall value of a fabric rather than its predominant color. Have you ever stood under one of those awful orange sodium street lamps? Well the next time you do, notice how the orange light completely washes out any color beneath it. So take a piece of amber plexiglass and look through it. It will have the same effect making it easier for you to evaluate the value of a fabric and ignore the color aspect.

it is possible that these tints will be so light that the plexiglass will not be useful at all. I'll have to see in the morning in the sunlight.

Another project...?

I am currently waiting for my color test swatches and my background boards to dry. Unfortunately, I did them in oils so they will take days. And this pause is frustrating me.

In the meantime, I thought I would attempt my library project. The library project is also frustrating me. I know all the different materials I want to use but I have no idea how I want to combine them all. I have no idea what I want the pieces to say. I'm thinking that I should just shelve this project completely until I come up with something down the road. Yes I think I may just do that. Sometimes if you step away from something it will clarify later.

I don't think I should start another art project to do in the middle of the drying times. I should really work on my father's painting. It's going no where fast. The petals are just giving me such a damned hard time and I have absolutely no idea why. It doesn't help that I also just ruined my wooden palate and three of my brushes. I forgot to clean them off after my last painting session and left them for three days in my studio. I didn't even try to salvage them. I just tossed everything.

I know that I should really work on my quilt but a lot of what needs to be done with that is correction and seam ripping which is basically like having my fingernails ripped out slowly. It's long. It's boring. It's tedious. And I seem to be making the same mistakes over and over again and that makes it even worse.

I think I need to step back in general to keep from letting all my ideas overflow and end up making me manic.

Baha'i Series tests

The type held up surprisingly well against the elmer's glue and water mixture I used to a-fix the tracing paper to the canvas paper. The canvas paper did not at all like the copious amounts of water. It warped a lot and that warping did not go away. I'm probably going to end up using the canvas boards instead to avoid the warping issue. I still need to experiment more with the glue issue because I'm not sure how well the glue will stick to an oil based paint. I also want to see if it will be possible to glaze over the tracing paper afterwards. I'm also not sure about whether or not that will work out. I also need to research glazing techniques because I don't know anything about it.



I was really inspired by the work of Agnes Martin. I saw her work featured in a documentary and her paintings were incredibly simplistic. I was really moved by the fact that she said she was trying to paint tranquility and peacefulness. I was really inspired by her delicate hues. She uses very faintly tinted whites for a lot of her paintings and those colors are incredibly difficult to reproduce without taking it too far. I may need to paint larger swatches. I'm looking for luminosity and colors that are glowing a little. So far my favorite is the cadmium red light tint. It has this great warm glow to it.

the process

I think what I'm getting the most out of these art television shows is that art is not spontaneous. Every artist has their own process. Every artist has their own method of doing things. I also seem to be learning that art doesn't just pop into being perfect and beautiful. Creation is a process. You make mistakes and you experiment and you figure it out.

And I think the most important lesson is the lesson of patience. Creation takes time. Creation cannot be spontaneous if you want it to be right and up to a standard.

Baha'i Series

I have laid aside my library project. I'm finding it far too frustrating right now. I have also laid aside my father's painting because I am also finding it incredibly frustrating right now.

I have started a series of works that will be based on Baha'i sacred texts. These specifically will be focused on the writings of Abdu'l-Baha. I am going to create a series of geometric abstract paintings to serve as backgrounds for some quotes from Abdu'l-Baha's writings. I'm unsure as of yet whether or not I will be putting many quotes involving a single theme on one canvas or if I will put a single quote onto a canvas and do a bunch of one theme. I also haven't decided if I'm going to use canvas paper or if I'm going to use canvas boards. I'm also experimenting with tracing paper overlays. The tracing paper will lay over the painting.

If I do many quotes on a single canvas I'm not sure if they will all be on a single overlay or if I will separate them. Also I have yet to decide how I am going to fix the overlays onto the canvas. I may try to experiment with some sort of decoupage method but that may also depend on whether or not the way I print the quotes onto the tracing paper will hold up to something like that or not. Right now I've tried three methods. The first was using an old fashioned typewriter that my uncle had refurbished and repaired and given to me as a gift. I doubt the ink from the typewriter will hold up to some sort of decoupage method but it may if I'm careful about it or if I use some sort of fixative over the text. The other method which I'm fairly positive will hold up to decoupage is a sharpie marker. I hand wrote the quote onto the tracing paper with a sharpie. I only had a broad tip I may try again with a fine tip. I also bought some calligraphy pens from the art supply store today. Even using the finest tip I will have to write incredibly big for it to look right. I doubt I'll use it. I have completely omitted the idea of printing the quotes onto paper. I want the look to be very hand done.

Right now I'm waiting for the canvas boards to dry. It will probably take a few days.

I've been watching a lot of art shows on TV. They feature prominent modern artists. A lot of them seem to have a common thread in their work. They find things in life and the world that they find beautiful and that speak to them personally and then find ways to express that in their work in unique and different ways. I think I need to do that to give cohesion to my artwork and my vision for my artwork. I think figuring that out will help my creative process.

Frustrations....

The new job is going great. I really like everyone there so far. It seems to have the usual issues of any workplace. There is a great deal of what I've come to call "caty-ness" that I tend to see in a lot of workplaces. It's been difficult to separate myself from the backbiting and gossip. I know that I am supposed to not participate in such talk and not even listen to it but the most I seem to be able to manage is not participating... although that doesn't seem to be going as well as I'd like. This lack of gossip seems to be the worst thing for me to avoid participating in and avoiding in my daily life. Gossip and backbiting are very commonplace in our lives. It's been difficult, also, for me to distinguish between gossip and backbiting vs complaining. I must work harder.

I didn't expect to be faced with the aspects of veterinary medicine that I hate so quickly. I am experiencing frustrations with owners already. Several have made extremely rude and flat out offensive comments to me that I have had difficulty coping with at the particular moment. I must further develop my brain mouth filter. One particular owner has decided to prolong the life of his dog that has been unable to walk for nearly two years; a decision that I do not agree with but, of course, must respect. It is my job to care for the dog and provide it with care in compliance with the owner's wishes. Even though my personal decision is that continuing this dog's life is, in fact, inhumane, I must continue to respect the owner's decision. The dog is, after all, his pet and his responsibility but I feel compelled to be an advocate for the animal and while I have voiced my concerns to a few of the veterinarians, I have been repeatedly told that voicing these concerns to the vet responsible for this dog's case will be not only futile but viewed as confrontational and offensive.

It's not the sort of line I want to take because I know from experience that these sorts of unvoiced feelings and opinions tend to fester and contribute to the gossip and backbiting in a workplace. I think it build resentment and makes for a lot of unnecessary tension.

What is disappointing is that this job, being full time, has completely obliterated the blissful amounts of free time I used to have. It leaves me physically and emotionally exhausted. When I get home, all I want to do is sleep. Of course, I don't feel like cleaning the house or doing other chores. What is more disappointing is that it also leaves me little time for my crafts and artwork.

I haven't even started on my collage projects and the painting for my father is sitting in a room completely untouched. Although I did get to work on it Friday, I quickly got frustrated and set it aside. It's a painting of a single rose of sharon. I decided to work the background in a very impressionistic style since the background of the original photograph is very blurry. The photograph was one actually taken by my father and submitted for some sort of photograph contest. It's a great picture. Now that the background is done I've moved on to the flower itself and it is giving me all sorts of trouble. The two petals I've attempted look terrible. Since the flower is largely white, my main problem seems to be value. The dark sections are not dark enough... the light sections aren't white enough and I'm not sure how to solve the problem.

I haven't even touched my planned collage project. Although I have pieces of the concept worked out, I am not sure what I want to do to put it together. I want the collage pieces to encompass date due cards and/or card catalog library cards. I also want them to include print block letters of various fonts and sizes. But I'm completely unsure of how to put the whole thing together. Do I do a freeform? Just laying elements out? Or do I attempt to use the cards as a medium and create? Do I print on or over the cards? Do I cut the cards up? Do I attempt to keep them whole? I'm hesitant to just experiment because the card catalog and date due cards are a limited resource. I'm even unsure about the base surface for the collages... Wood? Paper? I have no real idea about the scale or size either. This kind of out of the blue art has always been difficult for me. I'm used to guidelines and restrictions like the kind you get in assignments.

One of my new goals is to improve my pencil skills and get better at portraits (pencil and painting). I would like to be able to paint portraits later on.

I think I have way too many ideas swimming in my head.

collage in my future...

When I was younger, I was always very preoccupied with how things were supposed to be. I'd draw animals that were always brown. Skies and oceans were always blue. Houses were always white. That's how they're supposed to be. My parents encouraged that sort of thinking. Rigid and strict definitions help children to learn the world slowly and are easier to comprehend at a young age. Sometimes I think that it took me a really long time to break out of that and to see the world differently with my own vision and my own self. Then again, it takes time to develop one's sense of self and that development never really stops. I'm 32 and while I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin these days, I think who I am will always be constantly evolving.

A long time ago, I stopped creating art out of frustration. None of the drawings or paintings looked the way I thought they were supposed to look. I found the creative process frustrating because always burning in the back of my head was the constant question of, "Is this the right way?" or "Is this how it's supposed to look?" The concept of the fact that no art is "wrong" art was completely lost on me when I was a teenager. So I ceased painting and attempting to create art.

Ever since my rejection from veterinary school, I've really been digging deep into my life to find some meaning. The dream of vet school consumed my life for 7 years. I lived it. I breathed it. I poured so much of myself into it that when I lost it, I lost myself. Ever since that day in January 2009, I have felt a hole building in me. It's like a black hole that is suddenly there but slowly pulls in everything around it leaving destruction behind. There's no real description for how empty I have felt in the past year. I've been slowly trying to fill that hole. Baha'u'llah stated in the Kitab-i-Aqdas, "Waste not your hours in idleness and sloth, but occupy yourselves with what will profit you and others." Too much free time is so not good for the spirit.

I need to reinvent myself again. I need to start refilling the void that this great disappointment has left in my life. I see art forming on canvases and paper. I've started oil painting again. I've started sketching again. I want to move into collage art. I see something forming in my mind now. I see copper wire and large print block letters and cards from library card catalogs. I want to make the blocks myself, carved from wood. I want really large block fonts in odd proportions like tall and skinny letters and short fat ones. I would love to use cardboard too. I can see swirls of cardboard glued together on end or cardboard glued together on end and cut into different shapes. Maybe some cut wood pieces would be an interesting addition as well.