Frustrations....

The new job is going great. I really like everyone there so far. It seems to have the usual issues of any workplace. There is a great deal of what I've come to call "caty-ness" that I tend to see in a lot of workplaces. It's been difficult to separate myself from the backbiting and gossip. I know that I am supposed to not participate in such talk and not even listen to it but the most I seem to be able to manage is not participating... although that doesn't seem to be going as well as I'd like. This lack of gossip seems to be the worst thing for me to avoid participating in and avoiding in my daily life. Gossip and backbiting are very commonplace in our lives. It's been difficult, also, for me to distinguish between gossip and backbiting vs complaining. I must work harder.

I didn't expect to be faced with the aspects of veterinary medicine that I hate so quickly. I am experiencing frustrations with owners already. Several have made extremely rude and flat out offensive comments to me that I have had difficulty coping with at the particular moment. I must further develop my brain mouth filter. One particular owner has decided to prolong the life of his dog that has been unable to walk for nearly two years; a decision that I do not agree with but, of course, must respect. It is my job to care for the dog and provide it with care in compliance with the owner's wishes. Even though my personal decision is that continuing this dog's life is, in fact, inhumane, I must continue to respect the owner's decision. The dog is, after all, his pet and his responsibility but I feel compelled to be an advocate for the animal and while I have voiced my concerns to a few of the veterinarians, I have been repeatedly told that voicing these concerns to the vet responsible for this dog's case will be not only futile but viewed as confrontational and offensive.

It's not the sort of line I want to take because I know from experience that these sorts of unvoiced feelings and opinions tend to fester and contribute to the gossip and backbiting in a workplace. I think it build resentment and makes for a lot of unnecessary tension.

What is disappointing is that this job, being full time, has completely obliterated the blissful amounts of free time I used to have. It leaves me physically and emotionally exhausted. When I get home, all I want to do is sleep. Of course, I don't feel like cleaning the house or doing other chores. What is more disappointing is that it also leaves me little time for my crafts and artwork.

I haven't even started on my collage projects and the painting for my father is sitting in a room completely untouched. Although I did get to work on it Friday, I quickly got frustrated and set it aside. It's a painting of a single rose of sharon. I decided to work the background in a very impressionistic style since the background of the original photograph is very blurry. The photograph was one actually taken by my father and submitted for some sort of photograph contest. It's a great picture. Now that the background is done I've moved on to the flower itself and it is giving me all sorts of trouble. The two petals I've attempted look terrible. Since the flower is largely white, my main problem seems to be value. The dark sections are not dark enough... the light sections aren't white enough and I'm not sure how to solve the problem.

I haven't even touched my planned collage project. Although I have pieces of the concept worked out, I am not sure what I want to do to put it together. I want the collage pieces to encompass date due cards and/or card catalog library cards. I also want them to include print block letters of various fonts and sizes. But I'm completely unsure of how to put the whole thing together. Do I do a freeform? Just laying elements out? Or do I attempt to use the cards as a medium and create? Do I print on or over the cards? Do I cut the cards up? Do I attempt to keep them whole? I'm hesitant to just experiment because the card catalog and date due cards are a limited resource. I'm even unsure about the base surface for the collages... Wood? Paper? I have no real idea about the scale or size either. This kind of out of the blue art has always been difficult for me. I'm used to guidelines and restrictions like the kind you get in assignments.

One of my new goals is to improve my pencil skills and get better at portraits (pencil and painting). I would like to be able to paint portraits later on.

I think I have way too many ideas swimming in my head.