To this day I wonder how people who can fall asleep do it. I see watch my husband shut off his Kindle or his iPad, roll over and within 10 minutes the man is snoring. And unless I've been awake for more than 24 hours or it's some sort of mid-day exhaustion, I have never had that happen to me. I even remember as a carefree happy child wandering into my parent's bedroom at least once a week to tell them I couldn't sleep. I always found my mother's answer of, "Try harder" a little confusing. It always seems the harder I try to fall asleep, the more it eludes me.
My father, a fellow insomniac, has always been the only one to understand. Although my father does seem to be much better at falling asleep, he is not so good at staying that way. And until I was about 29/30, I had no issues with staying asleep. In fact, once I was out it was nearly impossible to get me back out of bed and awake and that's yet another thing I tend to struggle with every day since after 20 years of chronic insomnia the best regulator of my sleep is when I wake up. The rip your hair out frustrating part is when you're had only 3-4 hours of sleep a night and have been dragging yourself out of bed at 8AM for weeks and still can't fall asleep that night. I don't know if there's any proof to this, it's just observation but I think that sleep deprivation is something you can gradually become accustomed to over long periods. And I'd say 20 years is a long period. Although, not 15 anymore I can't tolerate an all-nighter the way I once could.
I'm sure I'm not doing myself any favors by reading before bed. All the "experts" tell you not to do that and practice what they call "sleep hygiene."My choice of pre-bedtime reading material could be better. I have lately been reading the series of novels that the procedural police drama Rizzoli and Isles is based on. And it wouldn't take a sleep expert to tell you that reading about women being stalked, raped, mutilated and murdered by serial killers isn't a good call for someone with my anxiety problems. I do enjoy reading and I have found it to cause me to fall asleep during the day regardless of the subject choice. I have literally no idea really why it doesn't do that at night. I got through 18 boring chapters of Anna Karenina one sleepless night. I have tried the Bible (my sincere apologies to Christians everywhere, I found it to be very dry at some points). I try not to read Baha'i scripture before bed though because I inevitably become so glued that I can't stop. Actually it's probably not the subject matter of the aforementioned triller novels, it's when some of them are quite gripping they really keep me awake. Stargate novels have that effect on me as well in a "OMG what did they do to Rodney!?" sort of way. I probably should classify everything on my reading list now as before bed reading material vs during the day reading material.
While I tend to think that most of it is a very good idea, there are some parts that are utter rubbish for me. Currently I am engaging in one of their many tips; that if you cannot fall asleep within 20 minutes you should rise out of bed and go do something and then give it another go. I can see how this could work with someone who hasn't been having the problem long so that they don't start to look at their bed and go "shit will I be able to sleep or not" the way I do. I think it's too deep in me now. It's sunk its claws. I know my bed is going to be a place where either sleep and I will regrettable lovers waking in the morning... or we'll be two parents going at it at 3AM because he's worked late again, the baby's screaming and the he's got some lacy knickers in his pocket who aren't his wife's.
I can feel the Ambien kicking in and GABA is being bound up in my brain so you'd think it would have a lovely effect on the gabapentin I'm taking which also acts on the GABA neurochemical system so if anyone is following this blog I would like to apologize for any text that comes after it as I have entered into a state of Ambnesia and gabacrosis. Anway.... oh yes fighting with your bed.
She has just forgotten is all.