Tuesday, August 16, 2011

This brain runs on fumes...

While some things may be changing about my illness, somethings remain the same. And it always turns out that sleep deprivation always makes the pain worse. Without a doubt, if I have not slept, I will be in pain during the coming day regardless of anything else. It's the one thing I can absolutely count on. Two sleepless nights in under 7 days. I'd like to say that's a record for me but it isn't. At one point a few years ago I was falling asleep only every other day, but it's certainly my worst sleep stretch in at least two years. I guess I'll try to chalk it up to left over pms and a traveling husband insanity.

But as usual when I see the sun come up, I desperately try not to fall asleep until it goes back down again. When trying to pull an all nighter as an adult, I never intend to fall asleep. It's an accident or a weakening of the will. I rest my head back on the couch and close my eyes for a second or I tell myself I'll just lay down for a few hours and before I know it? 8 or 9 hours have gone by. So today has been a steady stream of working through my pain and exhaustion, while doing my best to keep my eyes wide open and not accidentally fall asleep.

Paint. The first order of business. I was supposed to go to art class this morning but an all nighter means absolutely NO driving. I've fallen asleep at the wheel before. There's usually no warning and it's so lightning fast you never notice. One second your car is in the left lane. The next? It's on the grassy shoulder and to your own utter horror you have no memory of the time in between. And it can happen even on that 5 minute trip around the corner. I think that any driver who even risks it is absolutely friggin' completely insane.

So I started filling in cherries this morning at around 10AM. I am waiting for them to dry so I can fill in the stems. I don't know quite what I want to do about stems yet. I suppose I'll also have to adjust some of the shadows to match the stems however I decide to draw them in. It's going to be an artistic license thing because I don't like the way the stems appear on the actual still life. I'm only working from a poor picture now.

I really do love the way it's turning out. There's just something about the composition I cannot wrap my brain around. Maybe it's how one sided it is. Like the pitcher and the cherries are just off on one side and then there's this big chunk of empty blue cloth on the left side. It might just be my eye that's drawn to it. I find that when you become more familiar with a painting, you only see the flaws that are glaring to you and not to anyone else. Maybe I should turn the thing upside down or on its side or something. I don't know really how to become "unfamiliar" with it. And I don't know how to figure out exactly what it is that's bothering me. Last class, I may bring it back to the teacher to figure out what it is. I appreciate her encouragement. But I really hope she can tell me what it is that may be off.

No comments:

Post a Comment